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Father got unstable girlfriend pregnant; how can he protect the child after birth?

Your Question:
Well my girlfriend who is carrying my child is 11 weeks pregnant and she just kicked me out of the apartment that night so I need some questions answered. First of all she is Bi-polar and I believe a severe case of it and why I asy that is because she can be phyiscally abusive towards me like for example on one case we were driving home from a night out on the town and she was badgering me to the point I lipped off to her and she started punching me in the face while I was driving thinking she broke my nose there was blood all over my car ect.. On 2 other occiansions she trashed our apartment breaking things saying she wants to die and stuff like that. That was all before we found out she was pregnant. One fight we had in December she told me flat out she wishes the baby would die and stopped in my tracks and couldn't believe it. I believe that she is very depressed since she doesn't go out anymore casue she would brag that she was a regular customer at a local bar for 3 years and she would go out every weekend. Also during Holloween she was admitted to a mental insitutuion becasue she hit rock bottom that night. She has spent 2 weeks at another facility on 2 different occiasions. What can I do to not let my child be part of the emtional roller coaster? Please HELP!!!!!!!

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My Answer:

If you don't want a child to be part of this woman's emotional roller coaster, then don't have unprotected sex with her. That sounds glib, but it's a lesson too many men don't learn until a kid is brought into a horrible situation.

The best thing that could happen for this child is to be given up for adoption. If you and the mother agree to that in several months, the child will have an opportunity to be placed into a stable, loving home. There's no guarantee about the future of that home, but it's got far better chances for stability than your situation.

At this point, all you can do is document everything that's going on. Get witnesses that would testify to her instability, and have them write affadavits about her violence or tirades.

What you describe is not bi-polar disorder (or at least, not merely that). I'd suggest that you not be concerned about diagnosing her so much as really documenting her inappropriate behavior. Let the diagnosis be done by a professional later (which will inevitably occur via a psychological evaluation, if there's going to be a custody fight).

Look at my book reviews. Get the book, "Win Your Child Custody War" and start building your strategy and your case.

Locate a good family law attorney, one with at least 10 years experience in your county.

You'll want to file a paternity action as soon as the baby is born, so you need to find a way to be alerted when the birth occurs.

If your ex goes through swings of needing your love and then hating you, start sucking up your ego and pampering her when she needs your love (to try to get back into the home). Consider carrying a micro-cassette recorder in your jacket pocket, and flip it on when she starts raging at you. That will be helpful later.

If she attacks you again, call the cops and file a report. Consult with your attorney (which you'll have by then, right?) to discuss pressing charges, which could actually be good for your girlfiend (e.g., forcing her into getting help).

Take a parenting class right now. You want all your ducks in a row by the time you first see a judge, and if you take a parenting class, nobody can effectively accuse you of not knowing how to be a parent.

There are hundreds and hundreds of posts on this website. Go into the "Parents just starting the separation/divorce" section and read a ton of them. Get a feel for what others face and how child custody works.

You have the luxury of time right now, awaiting the kid's birth. Spend it wisely.


This website gives common sense advice that is not intended to act as legal guidance nor psychological guidance. The author is neither an attorney nor licensed psychologist. For specific legal guidance or specific psychological guidance, consult with a licensed professional.

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