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9 and 11 year old girls subject to mother's partying/abusive lifestyle; father has repeatedly failed to get custody; what now?

Your Question:
Where do I start. Been trying to get my daughters for over 3 years now. 1st took mom back 2 years ago for not giving visitations. She was slapped on the wrist and given 1 year probation. She doesnt have a job stays on welfare while lying about her income that her on and off again boyfriend gives her when he is living there.We hired a private eye that watched her 24-7 for 2 weeks.

1.she having beer parties with tons of guys(boyfriend kicked out at moment)

2.Reg-sex offender was around girls

3.leaving girls with juvie 16 year old son that was busted and on probation for dope until 3 or 4 am in the morning.

4.Girls were up running in and out of home at all hours of night,they are 11 and 9

5.The boyfriend had 2 ex wifes that we said he was a wife beater that put a gun to her head and owes her tons of child support and hasnt seen his 16 yr daughter since she was 3.(but yet he is father of the year!!)

6.Ex has told the girls they have to call boyfriend dad

7.She has moved jailbird sister and jailbird sisters boyfriend that had dwi,family assault,drug charges in with the girls when she needed help with rent.

8.Her and jailbird sister had bikers staying the night with girls in the home.

9.We have take the girls to therapy where they admitted to therapist that moms boyfriend beats her in front of them.

She has now gotten a lawyer and is putting on the act of mother of the year. My question is what can we do to start making her spend money through her lawyer so we might wear her down where she will give in and let us have the girls. We have already made her do a discovery and have talked with our lawyer about social study and a Gal. Would we have to pay for all this or would she have to 1/2 the payment?

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My Answer:

Okay, if you're telling me the whole story, and if you don't have any major skeletons in your own closet in terms of threat to the kids, you have an outstanding chance of getting sole custody.

It sounds like it'd be to your interest to get a thorough evaluation done on both homes. That may be more beneficial than a GAL. A GAL may not do as thorough a job as examining everything, including psychological issues present.

It's possible that you may pay anywhere from 50% to 100% of these costs, depending upon the court's allocation and discretion. A thorough evaluation will likely cost you several thousand dollars.

Going to a hearing over these matters, with evaluator's report in hand, will cost you many thousands more.

I'm going to infringe on a copyrighted approach:

  • Evaluation: perhaps $5,000
  • Attorney fees: perhaps $5,000 or more
  • Getting sole custody of two young children: Priceless

Unfortunately, success in family law frequently comes down to "How much money can you throw at something?"

If you do long-term cost analysis-- if you can drive down your child support by only three hundred per month (if not more), 8 years of savings in child support is close to $30,000.

Money is a consideration, sure. Getting those kids safe and in a stable home is top priority, as it sounds like it is to you too.

Good luck.


This website gives common sense advice that is not intended to act as legal guidance nor psychological guidance. The author is neither an attorney nor licensed psychologist. For specific legal guidance or specific psychological guidance, consult with a licensed professional.

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