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Custodial mother moved in with her new boyfriend who doesn't see his kid; she told her ex that they're married. Can it hurt her?

Your Question:
I just recently divorced my husband he caught me cheating on him with my brother N Law, any way we have two kids and I have been dating this guy who has one kid that he doesn't see. Well we decided to move in together. Me and my kids are living with him in his appartment. He doesn't tell me the detail of his past relationship he is not comfortable expressing his feelings about past or present relationships anyway... I try contact his Ex to see if she wanted to get together for lunch I told her that her Ex doesn't know about me contact her. I just wanted to get to know her them maybe her son. Was this right to do? My boyfriend chooses not to see his son and I want to know why. (Question # 1) (question #2) my kids live with me my husband is in anothre state I lied to him and told him I was married, can this come back on me?

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My Answer:

Thanks very much for writing and seeking some guidance.

There is a term called, "red flag". It means that there is a warning about something bad about to happen.

In your situation, you have moved your children in with a man who won't talk about his past and who doesn't see his child. These are two red flags of a man who should be avoided.

In your situation, you have cheated on your husband with another member of the extended family. You have moved your children into a home with a man who you self-admittedly don't know much about. You have lied to your ex about your relationship with your current boyfriend, attempting to rationalize why you're living together. You have lied to your current boyfriend (or gone behind his back) to contact his ex and learn about his child. These are several "red flags" of a woman who can't be trusted to act in her own children's best interest, and who everyone should avoid. Your morals really need some work, and it really seems like you don't know right from wrong, you don't care about hurting people, and you don't seem to have remorse for any of this.

I would encourage you to find some sort of moral or faith-based group (e.g., a church or temple) with which to get involved. Or listen to Dr. Laura. Or watch Dr. Phil. Or listen to Dennis Prager. After a while, you wouldn't need to write to someone like me to tell you that you are making wrong decisions.

The best thing for you to do is to lose this boyfriend. Try to figure out how to live a good and just life so that your kids have a good shot in life.

Depending upon your faith, your level of spirituality or metaphysics or kharma, or anything else that holds humanity as part of a bigger picture in the cosmos... pretty much EVERYTHING you wrote "can come back on you".

Best wishes for you in finding your way.


This website gives common sense advice that is not intended to act as legal guidance nor psychological guidance. The author is neither an attorney nor licensed psychologist. For specific legal guidance or specific psychological guidance, consult with a licensed professional.

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