My husband and i are seperated. I live in Canada with our
son, and he's an american. So is our son. My husband
wants to see our child in canada. But i'm so afraid that
he'll take him from me into america. He jumps from women
to women and is a heavy drug user. He has a long record
with the police and is a very unstable person. I know
that my husband loves our child. And i don't want to keep
him from his son. But he's so unstable, and he's always
doing something illegal. I want to have full custody of
my son, for i love my son with all my heart. And i lead a
totaly diffrent life than my husband. It's very hard to
discuss what's right for our child when his whole family
wants this baby to be with him. He's the first grandchild
to their only son. He's very hard to talk to when it comes
to our baby, and i don't want to be harsh or crule with
our baby. What do i do? I don't want to make a mistake
that will cause me to lose my baby. We seperated because
he had cheated on me and moved on while i was in canada,
and i'm afraid that if he had it in him to hurt me like
that he most likely does not care too much in regards to
the baby. My husband's always at the wrong place at the
wrong time,wrong kind of friends, wrong way of thinking
he's an adult. It's his choice. But our son needs
someone to make the right choices. And as much as he
loves his son he's incapable of doing so. His own mother
says that about him. But that's before we sepreated. I
don't mind him having our son from time to time, it's only
right. But i know how hard headed he can be, and he lives
his life based on lies and hussleing. I want to be fair,
but i'm afraid my son will suffer and i will forever
regreat it. He's put me in such a position now, that i
don't know what to do.
Being fair is a great way to go through life. But sometimes doing the right thing is not always "fair".
You may recall, as I do, that when we are kids, our common retort is "That's not fair!" when our parents didn't let us have our way. Being a parent means watching out for a child's best interest, not simply exercising fairness.
So, if everything you say is true, then I think you have an obligation to continue in the same vein as you have been going. If the father is as bad as you say, and of course I have no way of knowing how bad he is, then I would agree that it's in this child's best interest to have limited contact with his dad.
I think it's important for you to talk with an attorney in your area to ensure you and your son are protected against the father trying to remove the child from Canada (i.e., protection would allow you to immediately use law enforcement for a kidnapping, versus having to wait for weeks or months in family court for orders to have the child returned).
So... in conclusion, if everything you outlined is true about the father, I think you're doing the RIGHT thing in keeping minimal contact between father and son... until father demonstrates a more stable and cleaner lifestyle (which may never happen).
This website gives common sense advice that is not intended to act as legal guidance nor psychological guidance. The author is neither an attorney nor licensed psychologist. For specific legal guidance or specific psychological guidance, consult with a licensed professional.