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Dude paying child support wants to know if he can either see his kid or terminate parental rights

Your Question:
I have a child that I have only seen one time. I am not allowed to see the child and was threatened if I tried. She is about 7 years old and I pay child support on this child. I have no desire to see this child and to be honest I dont even know if she is mine. I had a paternity test done but I wasnt allowed to see the results. I have moved out of that state in the passed. I have two questions, Is it legal for her to deny my rights to see the child? How can I go about terminating my parental rights? I have attenpted it before but the judge wont let me regardless if I am seeing the child or not. I feel like I am a bank for someone that I dont know and that I know I will never know.

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My Answer:

It sounds like quite a bit of time has passed since paternity was established and the first child support orders were made. You'll need to talk to a family law attorney in the original state on your ability to challenge paternity and end child support orders.

You likely have rights to see your daughter. However, until you have court orders providing you with specific parenting time (i.e., also called visitation), the mother is under no obligation to let you see the child.

You can file a petition for visitation in the same state (preferably a courthouse in the county where the child lives). If you lay out your case that you want to be an involved father to this child, that you want to be a responsible parent, you'll probably get court orders to see the child on a frequent basis. You definitely won't get anything close to a majority of time. You may initially get a few hours per week, if you live locally, or perhaps a bit more. If not, you may get a few hours on one weekend every month. As you increasingly build your bond with this child, you can ask for more time with the child.

All of that said, I send you a virtual slap upside your head for how you're thinking. Family law ain't about YOU. It's about this child. Your ONLY reason for wanting to get involved in this child's life should be because you think you can be a responsible father figure to this little girl, that you want a father/daughter bond with her for the next 50 years, that you want to help guide her as a confident, moral, well-adjusted person. Worse than never seeing your child, it could cause major damage to this girl if you decide to be around for a year and then disappear again.

So... if you're willing and ready to be an involved father, then go get your court orders. Unless you're a really bad person (i.e., sexual offender, habitual drug user, and repeat criminal), you'll get to see your child regularly.

With regard to terminating your parental rights, it's only going to happen if there's another guy marrying mom who wants to adopt the daughter as his own. Then you're off the hook for everything.

Your biggest decision is whether or not you think this child's life would be enhanced with you in it AND whether or not you're up for being dad. If you think either answer is NO, then just let the status quo remain... and just do your research on challenging paternity.

Good luck.


This website gives common sense advice that is not intended to act as legal guidance nor psychological guidance. The author is neither an attorney nor licensed psychologist. For specific legal guidance or specific psychological guidance, consult with a licensed professional.

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