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Father recently secured sole custody, has questions about responding to mother


Your Question:
I am 34, and I have just been through a 6 month battle with my ex wife for custody of my 5 and 7 yr old boys. She left with my children for another man while I was deployed in Iraq. The adultery was proven, and I was awarded Joint custody, with me having sole physical custody. An appeal has already been filed by my ex.

My question(s) are:

1. If I plan to move to another county, and I give the court 30 days advanced notice, will my ex have any legal recourse to me moving? Would it effect the appeal? (My moving would bring me geographically closer to her residence).

2. My ex's paramour has been allowed to administer corporal punishment to my children as well as being allowed to give them baths and see them naked. How do I keep this man from harming or potentially molesting my children?

3. My ex will not regularly answer her telephone, and when she does, it is a nothing more than her trying to coerce me into being abusive on the phone so she can use it against me. How do I keep her from using telephone conversations as a means of entrapment?

4. How do I get my ex to stop "bad-mouthing" me and my family to the children. I have had the kids tell me some very disturbing things while I have had them for visitation. I have video-taped some of it. Who can I go to in order to actually address this issue, and is the video legally admissable?

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My Answer:
Hi,

Questions answered below.

1. If I plan to move to another county, and I give the court 30 days advanced notice, will my ex have any legal recourse to me moving? Would it effect the appeal? (My moving would bring me geographically closer to her residence).

ANSWER: If you're moving closer to the mother's residence, no court should have a problem with this-- UNLESS part of the reason you got sole custody was because you're in the family home OR you move into inadequate housing.

2. My ex's paramour has been allowed to administer corporal punishment to my children as well as being allowed to give them baths and see them naked. How do I keep this man from harming or potentially molesting my children?

ANSWER: If he harms or molests the children, report him. There are no avenues to prevent this, unless he has previously been convicting of child abuse/molesation. If it becomes problematic but not criminal, you may wish to file for court orders that neither parent shall allow any other person to administer corporal punishment to the boys.

3. My ex will not regularly answer her telephone, and when she does, it is a nothing more than her trying to coerce me into being abusive on the phone so she can use it against me. How do I keep her from using telephone conversations as a means of entrapment?

ANSWER: Send her a letter by certified mail advising her that you may be recording any/all phone conversations with her as a means to document the discussion and ensure said conversations can be accurately recalled. Invite her to do the same. And then record the calls via a little microcassette recorder that hooks up to your phone line (i.e., some recorders have handset jacks right in them). Eventually, you may wish to seek orders for co-parenting communication by email only (this was SUCH a blessing in my own case).

4. How do I get my ex to stop "bad-mouthing" me and my family to the children. I have had the kids tell me some very disturbing things while I have had them for visitation. I have video-taped some of it. Who can I go to in order to actually address this issue, and is the video legally admissable?

ANSWER: Toss the videotape, and don't tell anyone you did that. Too many BAD parents use videotape to try to coerce kids into false testimony. You run the risk of being viewed as such a parent. Not worth it. Consider getting the kids into a good child psychologist, and tell that person what the kids are telling you. Look at my website for Recommended Books, and look into "Divorce Poison" for some good proactive tactics to take against what you're describing.

Eric





This website gives common sense advice that is not intended to act as legal guidance nor psychological guidance. The author is neither an attorney nor licensed psychologist. For specific legal guidance or specific psychological guidance, consult with a licensed professional.


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