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Father starting divorce process wants to know if he should keep paying wife's bills and if her anti-depressants are relevant to custody

Your Question:
First, let me say "Hello"

Should I pay my wife's bills? She filed for divorce. We still live in the same house.I believe she has a boy friend :( I am paying mortgage, food. She already took and spent a lot of money. When I changed bank accounts she has freaked out. She said she would'nt touch accounts again. It put us behind.

We have 4 kids : 13,11,10,8. Great kids! They are taking this hard. I want to rebuild wife has no willingness.

Two older kids want to live with me. Tring to keep them out of it but they know.

Oldest has confronted her verbaly and she hit him twice. I was on the road. He calls her by her first name. No respect for tells her. I have told him not to cuss and that she is still his mom and he should respect her. Is this right?

I have told them we both made mistakes. Keep an open mind and make your own decision.

My wife has be depressed for several years it seems.She sleeps alot reads. House trashed, laundry dishes.(Funny though now she does it all) Kids thought PB and J was dinner. Cereal too. I have confronted her I have seen her drastic improvement since she filed. ?

She is on two anti depressants one is Wellbutrin xl 300mg. Can this be used to my advantage for custody?

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My Answer:

Thanks for writing.

You only asked three questions that are pretty specific, so I'm not sure if you're also hoping for "big picture" advice.

Should you continue to pay your wife's bills?
I don't know. Ask an attorney. If you stop paying, it may be used against you. If you continue to pay, you're setting the status quo that she is dependent upon you (i.e., alimony). You need an attorney in your state to advise you of your rights on this particular issue.

Is it right to tell your son not to cuss and to respect his mother?
This is a parenting issue, not directly related to child custody. It's a parent's responsibility to raise children who are moral, who are socially appropriate, who know the difference between right and wrong, and who can function well in the world as adults.

Obviously, cussing is not appropriate behavior. But teaching a child to blindly respect someone who may not be deserving of respect (i.e., I don't know if this is true of your wife)... does that help him/her function in the world as an adult and understand the difference between right and wrong? I think the better thing to do is to try to understand why the son is frustrated and angry, and then helping guide him to better ways to deal with that frustration and anger. It may be a mix of coping techniques combined with constructive ways to resolve some of the issues.

Is it to your advantage that your wife is on anti-depressants?
Millions of people are on anti-depressants without it having any significant impact on their role as parents, employees, friends, spouses, etc. In fact, most would say that being on the meds actually help them.

Courts don't care much about treatments for any illness or diagnosis. Courts more care about a parent's ability to be a parent. If someone with depression has it under control due to medication, the court won't attach any stigma to being on that medication.

Now, if a parent is attempting suicide every month, is going on manic sex sprees every week, or is prone to extremely violent rages after which the parent has no memory of the episodes... THOSE sorts of things would be of concern to a court.

Good luck in achieving an outcome that best serves your kids, and I'm sorry that you're going through all this.


This website gives common sense advice that is not intended to act as legal guidance nor psychological guidance. The author is neither an attorney nor licensed psychologist. For specific legal guidance or specific psychological guidance, consult with a licensed professional.

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