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Mother lost custody after judge heard about her lack of support for father's relationship and alleged threat to kill him


Your Question:
I AM A MOTHER WHO HAS HAD CUSTODY OF HER SON FOR 11 YEARS NOW. HIS FATHER TOOK ME BACK TO COURT AND THE JUDGE RULED FOR TEMP CUSTODY ORDER CHANGE GIVING ME HIS VISTATION AND HIM CUST. MY EX AND HIS WIFE CALLED THE POLICE AND THE COPS CAME OUT. HE TOLD THE COPS I STATED I WAS GOING TO KILL HIM AND HIS WIFE, AND HIS WIFE SAID THE SAME. NO ARREST WAS MADE. THEY TOOK ME BACK TO COURT ON EMERG HEARING FOR THE POLICE REPORT, AND THE JUDGE LISTENED TO MY EX AND HIS WIFES TEST, SHE ORDER A PSHY EVAL ON ME AND SUPERVISED VISITS. THE JUDGE WOULD NOT LISTEN TO MY NEIGHBORS OR MY PARENTS WHICH THEY ALL HEARD. I AM LOST ABOUT THIS. WHAT SHOULD I DO. IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY TIME I GO TO COURT, I HAVE EVIDENCE, BUT SHE SIDES WITH HIM. THE REASON SHE CHANGED CUST TO BEGIN WITH, SHE SAID I DID NOT ENCOURAGE A STRONG RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN MY SON AND HIS DAD.

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My Answer:
Hi,

First, your use of ALL CAPS is really annoying. It makes it extremely difficult to read your correspondence.

My advice is based upon the assumption that you wish to be a significant part of your son's life.

You should go through the psychological evaluation as quickly as possible. If you're diagnosed with any disorder or mental health issues, you should immediately begin treatment/therapy for that.

You may want to consider taking a polygraph examination (lie detector test) to state that you have never told anyone that you want to kill your ex and/or his wife. If you never said such a thing, you can pass it. Show the results to the psych evaluator.

Attend all the supervised visitation that you're allowed, showing your interest in your relationship with your child.

If you're losing in court, any of the following may be happening:

  • It's possible that the judge is biased towards your ex, but that's not probable.

  • You may not know how to effectively present relevant evidence for a court to consider. This suggests you need a good, experienced family law attorney.

  • The judge told you the reason she changed custody is that you didn't encourage a strong relationship between your son and the father. This suggests the judge thinks you intentionally did things to keep the father at bay. Some of these things may be subtle, some may be apparent. You may not even realize that you're doing such things, if it's become part of your lifestyle.

I'd suggest you read a book like "Mom's House Dad's House" to understand an ideal way to co-parent. It may open your eyes to what the court expects of separated parents.

In the meantime, it's extremely evident that you're going to have to jump through some hoops to have the judge consider modifying the current orders.

Regardless of whether or not you think it's fair, that's the lot you now face.

So, put on some comfortable shoes, keep calm, and get through all this as quickly as possible. If it turns out that the father has really misrepresented you to the court, the judge will likely undo much of what's been done.

Eric





This website gives common sense advice that is not intended to act as legal guidance nor psychological guidance. The author is neither an attorney nor licensed psychologist. For specific legal guidance or specific psychological guidance, consult with a licensed professional.


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