Advice from someone who has been in your shoes
  Search CustodyIQ.com
  Search entire web
Supervised Visitation Directory
Return to list of questions Return to topic groups
Mother lost custody and fighting against all odds on a military base


Your Question:
I am the "non-offending parent" in a CPS custody battle. Why it's a "custody battle" I have no idea. Initially, upon my childrens removal, I fought back, tried submitting "proof" (not allowed), tried going public (gag- order and threats of jail), called five marsden hearings to fire my attorney (not allowed since he was a buddy of the judge and used to be a CPS worker!) ect. Oh, one more point?....I called CPS for HELP.

That was 15 months ago. In the meantime the military investigation found my ex "innocent" of molestation, even though forensic interviews showed "trauma" to my six year olds vagina. Even though both girls (then four and five) admitted that their dad exposed them to pornography. Even though the military agent said they had "something on the hardrive worth prosecuting". Even though the nanny said she'd caught him exposing them to pornography. Even though I caught him in a chat with an online pedophile talking about having sex with my daughter when she was "ready" and sharing her at that time. I also sent the military a letter from my ex which was sent months later, admitting to raping me to get me pregnant with the daughter in question (religious belief held me there), felony use of a government credit card and numerous other things. I am not allowed to discuss it since he is now "innocent". He was HONORABLY DISCHARGED FROM THE MILITARY FOUR MONTHS AFTER THEIR INVESTIGATION ENDED (dec, 04)

He has not been ordered for a psych eval, but I was. And after searching for 9 months, they (CPS) finally found a doctor on their "list" I was ordered to see (not allowed to pick my own). Suddenly, I was found to be "Histrionic Personality" with a subcategory of "Exhibitionist". Meaning, I've made it all up for "attention". Funny thing is, three tests were never administered but were listed as given and the doctor herself admitted via phone the report was "doctored" by the social worker.

Immediately, when I found that the "investigation" was over with an "innocent" verdict, I went to the sherrif dept and said I wanted to show THEM the proof. They refused saying it was a "military matter". I went to the DA, they said since there were no "charges" they could not get involved. They sent me to Victim Witness, who said they couldn't help but that I should go to the Attorney Generals Office. I drove there and they asked if I had gone to the FBI yet. I went to the FBI and the agent listened to my story, looked at what I had and then told me there was little THEY could do since it was a MILITARY MATTER, that they would be interested in viewing my ex's hard-drive,that AGGRAVATED RAPE HAD A STATUE OF LIMITATIONS OF SIX YEARS then referred me BACK to the military investigative agents....square one again.

In the meantime my ex has played the "nice guy" routine, never argued, never fought, never said a WORD...unless it was to implicate me negatively somehow. 8 years of raising my children while he went overseas or worked 12 hour days. I never knew a thing since I was SLEEPING or GONE when these things obviously took place. I've completed my case plan TWICE and STILL have yet to gain custody. Recently, after my six year old admitted (after a YEAR) that her daddy had touched her (only brought on when I mentioned during a visit that daddy was getting 'unsupervised visits' and explained what that meant...then watched her face freeze into a fake smile and her eyes go panicky)...I mentioned it to the foster mother and asked her to PLEASE talk to my daughter since no one would believe me now with a diagnoses of "histrionic". Next thing I knew, the court report said I was "brainwashing" my daughters into BELIEVING they had been sexually molested. So much for trying to do the RIGHT thing, I guess I learn the hard way.

My ex moved in with his new "girlfriend" four months after our divorce, and August of last year. I was originally told she had three boys. When I mentioned to the Social worker that I felt she should be "warned", she told me I had to mind my own business, stay out of it adding, "she only has boys anyway right?". I just found out my girls were manipulated into lying to me. She has two boys and one FOUR year old girl.

They are playing me off like the vengeful ex wife bent on false accusations and retaliation. It could not be further from the truth, however focusing on what was done to my daughter could illicit strong hatred if I dwell, so I DONT. I have to "comply", i have to remain congenial to him for the "best interest of the children", so I DO, and I have. I also believe in forgiveness, though it hardly means I should sit and shrug my shoulders when they PLACE MY GIRLS in harms way! Nevertheless,I have never spoken ill about him to the children EVER. I came close two weeks ago, when my daughters went again to a visit and daddy bought them CD players and lunch and a movie...while I'm trying to keep my roof so I don't lose the chance of custody. I said, "Well, that's because he's not paying mommy the alimony money he's supposed to...." then stopped short and added, "but that's okay because NOW he can spend it on YOU INSTEAD!!, RIGHT??" (WINK WINK). They giggled and it passed, but I came close.

If you think this is an isolated case, you'd be wrong. I'm one of thousands but here are a few of my questions for you:

A) Do you know of anyone reputable that can give a psych. evaluation Pro Bono to clear my name? (liens on property, child support arrears now, ruined credit ect.)

B) Do you know of anyone who does letter analyzing?

C) Do you know of any media contacts willing to look at my story before they can be "shut-up" by the state? Someone not afraid of cover-ups?

Thanks

Need a Supervised Visitation Provider?
Try the Supervised Visitation Directory - Over 1500 providers listed by state.

My Answer:
Hi,

Sorry for the nightmare you've endured. I hope you have good family support through this.

Answers to your questions:

I don't know if a pro bono clinical psychologist who'd help you. I think you're on the right track, however, to get another expert to testify as to your mental health.

I'm not sure what aspect of "letter analyzing" you're seeking. You'd likely want to find a Forensic Graphologist.

If all that you're saying is true, I imagine that many TV news magazines such as 20/20, 60 Minutes, 48 Hours, or Frontline would be interested. You would approach their news editor (e.g., via fax or phone) with a boiled-down version of the facts not exceeding half a page. You should be willing to undergo perhaps a polygraph examination and additional psychological examination (i.e., at their cost) and even suggest this to them in your pitch. Again-- if what you're saying is true-- this would be a very juicy story for them.

Given your situation, getting media attention would seem to me to be the only avenue for potentially changing the course of what's going on. Don't waste time or effort on local media, however. Persist in trying to get a national show to pick up your story.

Finally, you may want to see if Dean Tong at www.abuse-excuse.com may have any additional guidance for you.

Good luck.

Eric





This website gives common sense advice that is not intended to act as legal guidance nor psychological guidance. The author is neither an attorney nor licensed psychologist. For specific legal guidance or specific psychological guidance, consult with a licensed professional.


© 2005 ~ 2012 CustodyIQ.com. All Rights Reserved.