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Mother of young children just starting divorce process, doesn't want father to get 50/50

Your Question:
Im married for 4 yrs. I have two kids a girl, who's 3 and infant who's 8mo. My husband filed for divorce coz he cant wait to be with his other woman. We are separated for 4 months now. I have no job and I'm taking up classing online to be with my baby because Im breastfeeding. Ever since we're separated he move out in the house and just visit the kids or take them out for couple of hours twice a week. He makes good money. Im scared what can I do? He wants 50/50 custody. My kids are still small. I want to be with them all the time. I have been documenting every happenings ever since we separate. I filed TRO and have temp. custody with my kids. It is because he keep o harassing me and just coming to the house anytime he wants,even during night time. He wants me to sign the mediation papers that his Atty. friend made. I did not sign it coz everything written there is in favor of him. He keep on threatening me that he is going to get my kids and let his other woman raise them. Now , he wants 50/50 custody. What are my chances to get full custody? I love my kids so much. AND I know he just wants 50/50 because he dont want to pay big child support and spousal support. He also took my baby one time and left it with his niece who's only 10 yrs old. He was gone touring to Italy with his other woman and left us with no food, no money and kids are sick. How can I convince the Judge that he neglected us and his not a fit father. We have hearing coming up for TRO. Please help. Thank you!

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My Answer:

IF everything is prepared correctly, and IF the evidence is credible, the court is most likely going to make orders that the primary caretaker of the kids will remain the parent with the most custodial time. So, according to your story, you're entering this with an advantage.

However, you've outlined nothing in your story that makes this father unfit. He may or may not be unfit, but I'm just letting you know that nothing you wrote will convince a court that he's unfit. If he's unfit, you need to build your case with credible evidence and objective witnesses, or via a child custody evaluator (after a court orders one).

His honey is irrelevant, so leave her out of it, unless she's a danger to the kids.

Your speculation about his motives for 50/50 is irrelevant, unless he's admitted it in sworn testimony or via correspondence that you can authenticate.

I'd like to point out that there's one thing that fails to impress me about you. Much of your writing is about YOU. Most telling is that you always referred to "my kids", and not a single time did you call them "our kids". This attitude won't get you very far in a family law court.

I suggest that you change your attitude to come up with a plan that keeps the father involved at a level appropriate for his parenting abilities (about which, I don't know). I strongly recommend that you get a book like "Mom's House, Dad's House" to adjust your thinking, and you get a book about child custody strategies to help you build your case. Take a look at the books I recommend.


This website gives common sense advice that is not intended to act as legal guidance nor psychological guidance. The author is neither an attorney nor licensed psychologist. For specific legal guidance or specific psychological guidance, consult with a licensed professional.

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