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Never married father can't see his baby, is struggling with taking the matter to court

Your Question:
My girlfried and I have a 3 month old baby. We were living together but now we broke up and she lives with her parents and wont let me see that baby. I have gained legal counsel and it seems so aggressive that I feel like I am declaring war. I want to see my kid but I dont want to punish her. I just want to see my baby.

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My Answer:

It's normal to feel like you're feeling. It's always a tragedy when peaceful negotiation isn't an option in conflict resolution.

At the same time, if peaceful negotiation isn't possible, then aggressive assertion of one's rights or position is the only other option.

As of this point, your ex has chosen the battlefield. She has completely severed your access to your own child, and she refuses to discuss any solution.

Through her action, your ex has been the one to declare war. You can choose to surrender to her unspoken terms (i.e., simply go away and abandon your child), or you can choose to respond with the minimal but aggressive force necessary to be a father to this child.

I, and many others, picked the latter option.

You didn't ask for this fight, you didn't want this fight, but you have this fight. It's a good opportunity for you to grow as a person, find new strength inside of yourself, and act with righteousness.

This has nothing to do with punishing your ex. It has everything to do with being a good father to your child. If your ex is punished in the process, that was HER choice.

Suck it up and find some strength to fight this battle. It's imperative that you get the book "Win Your Child Custody War" by Hardwick. You need to understand the rules of this war, and you need an attitude adjustment if you wish to be a father (i.e., because you will ONLY be a father if you're willing to fight for it, as your ex has shown she wants to destroy this child's father).

Also, that book will help guide you in answers to questions about whether your attorney's advice makes sense or not. I won't comment on your second question (not posted) because your attorney knows much more about the situation than I do.

The more time that goes by without seeing your child, the worse your position becomes. So you need to act immediately.

Please write back, and really start learning about how child custody litigation and tactics work.

Your child needs a father and mother. Do whatever it takes to make sure the child has both.


This website gives common sense advice that is not intended to act as legal guidance nor psychological guidance. The author is neither an attorney nor licensed psychologist. For specific legal guidance or specific psychological guidance, consult with a licensed professional.

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