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Never married father has two kids with two mothers in two states

Your Question:
Two years ago, my girfriend of 5yrs (until recently) and I moved from Dallas to Memphis. There I met a young lady at work and had a brief fling in which she ended up pregnant. I wanted a DNA test and in the meantime (very foolishly in hindsite) moved back to TX. I found out it was my son and ever since have been travelling to Tennesse every three weeks and staying a week (staying in a hotel). My girlfriend at the time had a hard time dealing with this and we has a falling out except she got pregnant right after coming off her pill. So now I am about to have a child in TX and TN and both of the mothers are not too happy about the sitution I have caused for them, which I understand. At this point all I want to do is see my kids but both are threatening to make me pay the max and give me the minimum visitation. I am very bonded with my 1yr old and cannot fathom not seeing him. I have a good job and have been paying the mother in TN support while keeping records of it. Do I have any legs to stand on?

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My Answer:

It sounds like your life is getting really tough. You've fathered two kids with two women in two states.

The consequence of that is you'll probably pay child support to both of them, you'll go back and forth between states to spend time with each kid, and you'll somehow find employment to try to make ends meet.

Your life-- if you accept the consequences of what you've done -- is going to be really exhausting for the next many years.

Hopefully, you'll be able to negotiate child support with each mother to be less than the state would require, and you can negotiate a parenting schedule with each kid that keeps you connected.

If not, the state will order child support, and you can try to ask two judges (one for each case) to order the parenting schedule that you think is best for the kids and yourself.

Keep in mind that each state may reduce your net income by the amount of the other child support order. So, if you earn $3,000/month, and one state has ordered $500/month support, the other state may calculate your income as $2500 ($3000-$500). This may vary from state to state.

I'm sorry, but you created a situation for which there just isn't any easy answer.

If you do this right, you'll probably grow tremendously as a person, and you'll probably be recognized for it (from each child) decades from now. The cost will be tremendous in your struggle to do it right.

If you give up, I don't think you'll gain anything at all.

Again, I can really understand how lost and hopeless you feel. But you just gotta do it. Your kids are counting on you.


This website gives common sense advice that is not intended to act as legal guidance nor psychological guidance. The author is neither an attorney nor licensed psychologist. For specific legal guidance or specific psychological guidance, consult with a licensed professional.

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