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Never married father recently split with fiance, and she won't let him see the kids

Your Question:
My fiance and I seperated 4 mo. ago. Our 3 and 4 yr old boys are currently living with her and her mother,sister,sisters boyfriend. I havent been able to see my kids for going on a month now. She says she is still angry with me. She also says she is afraid I will be drinking when I pick them up. (COMPLETELY NOT TRUE) She is making false accusations towards me and I dont know why. I am an occasiional drinker, maybe once or twice a month. I havent even spoken with her for about 3 wks. I call and get no answer, and no callback. Actually the last time I went to pick them up for a visit. Her sister called the cops on me before I even got out of my car. Dont know why. Her sister is a convicted cocaine dealer, and her boyfriend just got out of prison a week ago for drug and violence convictions. Is there anything I can do about this? I cannot afford an attorney right now but I desperetly want to see my kids. Ive called and left messages that my patience is running thin with this situation. I should note that I have pictures of her posing for me when we first got together 6 yrs ago. I dont want to embarrass her and honestly I dont want to do anything that would ever hurt her but I am at my whits end here. Also her sister has told me several times that I dont have any rights to my kids. I dont know why her family hates me now. We were always kind to eachother. I dont even know why she left me in the first place. We hadnt even argued for years. No cheating, no violence. I was dumbfounded but now I want is to be able to see my kids.

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My Answer:

Thanks for writing.

Most guys have the sense to not threaten sharing nude pictures of their girlfriends as a part of child custody proceedings. You're a moron in this regard. Such pictures (unless they show the mother molesting a kid) are completely irrelevant and would completely backfire on you if you ever raised it as an issue.

You need to file a paternity action in your county, seeking emergency orders to outline a custodial schedule.

You want to outline that you shared in the parenting of both kids for the past few years when you and the mother lived together.

The mother will respond with her lies, but don't worry about it unless she has evidence or credible witness testimony.

Most importantly, even though you said you can't afford it, you need an attorney on this. Your perspective of how to proceed is SO off-base, and you could easily become your own enemy.

Max out your credit cards, borrow money from family, or do whatever it takes to retain a family law attorney who has at least 10 years experience in your county.

Because you were never married, you have NO parental rights until a court orders it. The more time that goes by without you seeing your kids, the worse your case becomes.

Your job this week is to retain an attorney. Your job next week is to file your legal action.

Good luck.


This website gives common sense advice that is not intended to act as legal guidance nor psychological guidance. The author is neither an attorney nor licensed psychologist. For specific legal guidance or specific psychological guidance, consult with a licensed professional.

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