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Never married mother of two children with two men has no direction for how to improve her situation

Your Question:
I have 2 children one is 21/2 and the other 18 mos. My oldest child was from a very abuseive relationship, and his father I found out after it was too late was in prison for several years for 1st degree child abuse. He has no visitation with this child. My past boyfriend came back into my life when I was pregnantn. He was there when my first child was born.

My past boyfriend and I were planing on marrying and than I became pregnant with my second child. My boyfriend left when I was 7 mos pregnant stating that he didn't want all the responsibility. So, I have been raising bouth my children.

My boyfriend has wanted my first child to call him daddy and than he doesn't want to have anything to do with him. He takes them both together at times and at times just his own child. However, it is very speradic visitation. Weeks go by at times and than he tells people that I won't let him see them. The truth is he has told me that he doesn't want me going out so he doesn't want to give me that opportunity by taking them. He tells me moms don't go out. His father was incarcerated for 17 years of his life and I think he got a very warped sense of a womens role from his mother.

He is now mad at me because he thinks 3 weeks ago when he had both the children when I went out. Now he is making my life hell. He has sent pertective services out to my mothers house, where I am staying waiting for my upcoming bigger apartment. He told my mother that the kids would be better off in foster care than with her. My mom is a loving caring person who does nothing but good things for her grandchildren and me. Now he states he no longer wants anything to do with my first child and has called a lawyer to get custody of his child.

He rents a room and his parents live in a trailer surrounded by junk cars and trash. They don't mow because there is too much junk in the yard.

I just wish he would be a loving resposible dad, but my mom tells me he lacks the foundation to build that kind of relationship on. All this is hurting my children and I do not know what to do. I have begged him to take the kids more. It interfers with hid fantasy games (cards, dungen and dragens)or he just does not want to rise to the occassion. I don't know what to do any advice will be helpful.

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My Answer:

My advice for you has nothing to do with legal issues.

It sounds like you're too influenced by your mother.

It is apparent that you pick poor choices in boyfriends.

For both these reasons, I suggest that you find your own home, you stop dating for a long while, and you seek counseling to try to discover yourself and why you've made poor choices. Once you discover that, you'll be happier, more independent, and better able to assess your own judgment without relying on others.

Don't take this as a statement that is supportive of the father. It's not a black-or-white situation. It's likely that both you and the father have contributed to the current situation, but you can only make it better for yourself.


This website gives common sense advice that is not intended to act as legal guidance nor psychological guidance. The author is neither an attorney nor licensed psychologist. For specific legal guidance or specific psychological guidance, consult with a licensed professional.

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