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New father hasn't seen baby much, wants full or joint custody, doesn't like the idea of child support

Your Question:
I'm an unmarried father who's going in for custody in a week and i need to know what i can do to win custody...or atleast get joint custody..

Me any my ex broke up a few years ago after the brake up we hooked up here and there from time to time(i have a DWAI on my record from a few years ago...turns out we got pregnant...i talked to her about abortion but she was against it...this is something she's going to bring up in court...we had a beutiful daughter(November 3rd 2005) i was there for the birth and everyday in the hospital...wasn't there when she took the baby home from the hospital she'll probly bring this up a paternaty test...she's definately mine...she's going to bring this up in court....was at the babys mothers house 2-3 days a week for the first month...we fought everyday because of that...i don't believe in fighting around a baby...the frequency of my visits declined...everytime i offered to buy something for the baby she declined...she's going to say i haven't given anything for the we've hit a point where she say's if i come to her house she will call the police on me!!!!

What can i do! i love this baby with all my heart!! i want full custody or atleast partial custody(26 weeks a year)...I don't believe in pay child support(Cash) I am more then happy to buy the baby anything she needs but it give the mother the cash i know it won't be spent on my daughter!!

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My Answer:

You've really got to adjust your thinking here.

First, child support WILL be ordered. You don't get a vote on that, and you will have no say in how the mother spends it.

Second, custody will be ordered in a manner that a judge feels is best for the child.

Third, pretty much everything you mentioned is completely irrelevant to a judge's decision on custody; with exception to one underlying theme.

You've made it clear that you and the mother can't get along, and you've stated that the mother has been the primary caretaker of this baby so far.

Unless the mother has serious problems with drugs, violence, or prostitution; you stand no chance at sole custody.

Further, your chance for joint custody is extremely low at this point.

It's critical for you to take action that shows you are serious about parenting. This includes taking a parenting class, setting up your home to accommodate a baby, and paying child support without complaint.

Most of all, you need a real attitude shift. You go into court with your current tone, and you're going to be a joke in front of the judge.

All of that said, you have the next 18 years to be a parent. The first orders in court are only the first step. It will be a long road, and that long-term process should be your focus.

Good luck.


This website gives common sense advice that is not intended to act as legal guidance nor psychological guidance. The author is neither an attorney nor licensed psychologist. For specific legal guidance or specific psychological guidance, consult with a licensed professional.

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