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Pregnant mother-to-be has concerns about father's drug use and abusive family

Your Question:
Hey! I am a unmarried soon-to-be mother, The father of my baby and I was together for 5 yrs. We had problems at the end of our relationship with his sister that I worked with, saying that I cheated on him. Which I was faithful. When I was 6 mos pregnant he left. Due to his sisters plotting and scheming. We had a pretty strong relationship until his sister that didnt like me came in to play. Well, Anyways long story short, After a month of not speaking we started to talk again. Everything was fine until I started to discuss parenting,custody and money. I grew up without a father and didnt want my son to do the same. I told him that we should try to be civil about everything and try to agree and stay out of court. We are adults and even if we dont agree we should be able to compermise. I want to make parental decisions together so that we are both happy instead of the judge making them for us. We started discussing plans, talking when we had time, and planning on having a sit down with a notary and having everything in writting. When he gets this new girlfriend that wants to start trouble between us. So he gets mad at me and we argue and get off track and he decides I dont want to speak to you anymore, Ill see you "in court". We had agreements that the rest of his family would not be able to spend alone time with the baby. Now Im afraid thats off. His mom is using cocaine, not only by herself but with her 16 yr old son. There is child abuse and violence.She has C.P.S. looking for her in 2 states. Is there anyway I can keep the baby away from that atmosphere? I also recently found out he is moving out of his sisters (which they smoke in the house and smoke marijuana)supposidly into a place with his brother.So either or both homes are not baby friendly. They are both under 25 and been having the time of their life.Everywhere he goes is Party central. Im scared that since we are not comunicating that I wont know what kind of environment he is going to have my child! I read on some other peoples questions that you can volunteer, and, request a drug test, if I did that I passed and he failed how does that effect his rights? He has synthetic urine that he bought online to by pass drug screens. Can I request we do it on spot,or escorted? Or do you both meet at a certain place on a certain day? How do I prove the atmosphere he lives in is vulgar,smoke drinched,and drug ridden? The only reason I was agreeing on terms with him is so that hopefully guidlines we sat (ones that I wanted met) would be. Like, no smokeing around the baby etc. And I could actually make excusses to stop by unannounced occasionally to make sure. Now were not speaking there is no reassurance for me. I dont want my kid to turn out all ghetto and gangster like his family. I fell in love with him when I was 16, he was a hot little bad boy. I should have thought of the future, and now I will be dealing with him for the next 18 yrs. What should I do? What are my rights as a mother? Can I request that he have his own home before custody is granted. How can I make it supervised. I dont want him to be out of my babies life, I just want my baby safe.I want to be able to think and sleep when hes with him. Please help, if you have any questions for me email me back! thnx

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My Answer:

If you're truly interested in your child's welfare, I strongly suggest you consider adoption.

The situation you describe is a guarantee that this baby will be expose to much chaos, right from birth. It's likely that the child will be exposed to drug addicts and abusers, if we're to believe what you say.

You and the child are going to go through SO MUCH trauma, trying to convince a court that the father is unfit. The judge must wait until something happens, and usually more than once (unless it's severe).

It takes a woman of huge character to look at adoption as an gesture of love for a child, knowing that there are parents out there who are in a better place right now to raise a child.

I suggest you need to sit down with a family law attorney and talk about all your options and rights.


This website gives common sense advice that is not intended to act as legal guidance nor psychological guidance. The author is neither an attorney nor licensed psychologist. For specific legal guidance or specific psychological guidance, consult with a licensed professional.

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