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Stepmother wonders how to stop the mother's frequent accusations and court actions


Your Question:
my husband's baby's mother is constantly bring him to court for sole custody because he doesnt want to be with her anymore, she has lied on him about him not being a fit father, she has even went as far as lying on him to social services and the sheriff's dept about leaving bruises on the child when he spanked him once, she threats that he will never see the child again..we have been battling this for over 5 years and we are tired, we don't know what else to do...how to calm the madness with his baby's mother??

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My Answer:
Hi,

Yeah, welcome to my life too.

I think you're asking the wrong question, however.

You asked, "How to calm the madness with the baby's mother?"

I would imagine that the only way the mother's madness will end is if she is hit by a bus. It's important for your sanity that you come to a place where you understand that the mother will not change.

Human beings cannot change forces of nature. We cannot stop a hurricane, and we cannot change a person with mental health issues.

Think of what you would do to survive a hurricane. Hurricanes can do major damage to our homes and our loved ones. But obviously, we can't spend all day stressed out about it, wondering if there will be another hurricane, wondering what we can do to stop the hurricane.

What we do, is when that hurricane hits, we go into survival mode to protect ourselves as best we can. We may need to hire people to strengthen or rebuild walls. We go into a protective shelter. Sometimes we may want a shotgun to protect our homestead. When there's a hurricane actually happening, we don't live like we normally live.

After the hurricane, if there is no damage, we are thankful... even though it was a huge, scary thing that disrupted our lives, we are thankful. If there is damage, we pick up broken pieces after the hurricane hits, and we go on with our lives.

The hurricane in your life is that woman. Live well when she's not storming, and go into survival mode (aggressively) when she is storming.

If you don't have adequate protection from her chaos, seek court orders to try to shield yourselves from chaos (e.g., "Parties are to communicate only by email" does wonders for eliminating those aggravating, stressful phone conversations).

Live your life as best you can with your husband. Just accept that you live in hurricane country, and you'll have one or two storms a year that you need to deal with as expeditiously and aggressively as possible. And then you continue to live your life well.

Eric





This website gives common sense advice that is not intended to act as legal guidance nor psychological guidance. The author is neither an attorney nor licensed psychologist. For specific legal guidance or specific psychological guidance, consult with a licensed professional.


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