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Young, never married father faces restraining order and can't see his toddler

Your Question:
ok im a 22 yr old who is a father of a 2yr old boy , ive split from his mother and she has an injunction out on me i havent been violent to the child and would never hit him not allowed to see my son what proper ways can i go about solving the situation so i am then able to start seeing my boy as i dont know where to start

hope u can help me look forward in speaking to u

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My Answer:

Thanks for writing.

I asked you to explain why there's an injunction against you. This is also called a restraining order in other jurisdictions. You suggested that it's a bogus accusation.

You've got a potentially long road ahead of you, due to your current situation. It'll get way better, but you'll have to commit to having persistence and long-term planning. Unless the mother cooperates, it may be a couple years before you have a situation where you're happier (and it'll be baby steps to reach that, with each step getting a bit better).

You will have much improved odds if you can retain a good attorney. If there are criminal charges against you, you'll need a criminal attorney. If it's just a family law judge restraining order (i.e., injunction), you only need a family law attorney.

False accusations run rampant in family court. It's a common tactic for women to falsely accuse men of violence and hostility. You also wrote to me (not posted) that you have never been violent.

I'm going to interrupt this post to comment on what false accusations do, unfortunately, since it hurts both men and women. There are many true victims of violence. These victims need credibility for their accusations, and they need immediate protection.

However, the flood of false accusations in divorce and child custody proceedings has made a mockery of the true victims. The false accusers commit perjury, sell their morality for a short-term advantage, and have no concern for the burden it places on the falsely accused (i.e., the victim in such situation), the police (if involved), and the court system.

Due to all of this, the true victims of violence are often met with raised eyebrows and skepticism; and these poor people may have to work harder just to be protected from their attackers (and to have their kids protected).

I think perpetrators of violence on spouses and kids are completely scum. That said, I feel that false accusers are only 1% better than scum.

Okay, back to your situation.

If a judge believes that you're dangerous, it's game over for you. It's crucial to convince the family law judge that you are not dangerous, and that you didn't do what has been accused of you.

It is crucial that an innocent parent NEVER agree to a plea bargain on any domestic violence charge. If you're guilty, plea bargain the best deal possible and get anger-management help for yourself. But if you're innocent, you must prevail-- otherwise, you are giving away your child custody outcome too.

Ask your attorney to refer you to a polygraph examiner. Take a polygraph exam (lie detector test) and state that you have never hit your girlfriend. Your attorney may be able to use the results in a custody evaluation (if you have one), or can offer the results to a judge, if opposing counsel doesn't object.

Your very first goal is to get rid of that injunction. An attorney will do it faster.

Your very second goal is to spend regular time with your child. An attorney may be able to negotiate a better temporary court order for this than you can do on your own.

Don't agree to a final judgment right away. You want an opportunity to build your case as best as possible to try to use the temporary orders as a leap pad.

As your case progresses, think about a parenting plan that is best for your child (i.e., not best for you, not best for mom). Shoot for that parenting plan as your ultimate goal.

Finally, learn and fully understand that your ex is capable of false accusations. Never be alone with her without witnesses, and you may wish to carry a microcassette recorder around her, so that if anything starts, you can whip it out, turn it on, and record what actually happens.

Bottom line-- borrow money, max out your credit cards, work another job... do whatever it takes to hire a family law attorney ASAP.


This website gives common sense advice that is not intended to act as legal guidance nor psychological guidance. The author is neither an attorney nor licensed psychologist. For specific legal guidance or specific psychological guidance, consult with a licensed professional.

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